'Lekker' Amsterdam

An alternative ‘food-to-go’ guide for one day in Amsterdam.

Instagram via @cassandratle

When Amsterdam or the Netherlands comes to mind, it’s rarely thought of as a foodie haven. We all know cracking Dutch cheeses, and their pancakes do more than the job, but apart from that, nobody really thinks of, or travels to Amsterdam for the food. The city has plenty of iconic things to see and do and you’re more than likely not going to have more than a few days to do it all. So, when you’re in town, you don't have the time to sit on your ass for a few hours to soak up the best cuisine, and you don’t have to; you need to be on the move and oh boy is this a fun place to do just that. Away from the pissed-up and stoned masses who frequent the city, Amsterdam has an unreal food scene that needs more appreciation. I’m here to tell you why you’re wrong to think this great city is just weed, sex and pretty canals.

Amsterdam is one of my favourite places in the world and I have been fortunate to visit a number of times (yeah I know, Mr. Worldwide) so hopefully I know a trick or two to get the best out of the underrated food scene Europe’s “sin city” has cooked up.

You’ll need a steed. "The Dam" is the city for cycling, so grab a bike and look like a complete tit as your logo adorned, trusty companion, stands out like a sore thumb among the herds of peddling locals. If you aren’t up to scratch on the peddle-pushing ways of cycling, or will struggle to learn a few rules, you won’t make the cut and it’s the tram for you. This isn’t an advert for safe cycling, a “few” beers here and there may crop up. Also, unless you consider cannabis a vegetable, you won’t find a guide for that here...instead, just follow your nose.

Stop number one. You’re going to a brewery. I know what you’re thinking...but you’re on holiday, it’s never too early for a beer! Brouwerij’ t IJ competes with the multinational Heineken and Amstel, but the beer made here is a local favourite and weapons grade to the unknowing (most push the 7% mark). Placed in the shadow of De Gooyer, a traditional windmill, which the Netherlands has in abundance, this first stop on your culinary voyage couldn't be any more culturally in tune. We’re not meant to be here for the beers so prop yourself up in the subway tiled bar, or the gardened patio, and order yourself a classic bit of Dutch charcuterie. Creamy Gouda and Edam alongside the lesser known Metworst (a traditional cured sausage) is the breakfast of any budding champion; wash it down with your second beer and you’re ready to get back on the bike, maybe a little wobbly.

What do you get when you add more chocolate to an already chocolate filled cookie? The best cookie you’ll ever fucking eat, that's what. Van Stapele Koekmakerij is situated only a few minutes walk from the Begijnhof which is right in the centre of the city. Now I must confess, I only tried this for the first time on my most recent visit. I’d walked and cycled past a queue for what I thought was a tourist trap; some rather generic double chocolate cookies staring back at me through the window. The surprise with these bad boys is the white chocolate which is pre-rolled into the dough, forming a melty centre, which alongside the quality ingredients adds that little extra to this classic. One thing to note with Van Stapele is that they only make a limited number a day and once they’re gone, they’re gone and the place shuts up shop. The earlier you can get here the better, hence its place as stop two. As I said, there is always a queue, but don’t let that deter you. Don’t listen to “old me” and consider these treats “not worth the wait”. Patience is a virtue and you’ll feel the full reward at the first bite.

Up next is your day’s carb fix. Vleminckx Sausmeester, I would argue, makes the best fries in the world. Against all my British sensibility, these little blighters are chips, and nothing but. However, the Low Countries are the home of the frietjes, so I’ll let this one fly. Found on a little alley called Voetboogstraat near the Spui square, these things will change the way you think of the humble fry; triple fried, served in a paper cone and with many different sauce combinations. Make sure to choose the Oorlog (pictured). Literally translated as “war fries”, it all sounds a bit weird at first, combining the Dutch classic for fries, mayonnaise, with a thick satay sauce and finely diced raw white onions. The satay sauce pays homage to some of the Indonesian colonial heritage the Netherlands has to offer, something as culturally significant as Indian food in the UK. With all three toppings complimenting each other perfectly, these belligerent sounding fries are unreal; carbs, grease, a perfect melty stickiness created by the warm satay and the mayonnaise provides an unmissable feed. The bar just across from this hole in the wall joint, Cafe Havelaar, lets you take your fries inside so help yourself to a beer.

Now I thought you’d want a little more time on the bike here to cycle away some of those fries. Can’t say the next stop is too healthy either; sorry. Head on down to the Albert Cuypmarkt in the more grungy district of De Pijp just south of the centre. The open street market which has been around since the early 1900s sells almost everything from clothes to the famous Dutch tulip, however, you can’t eat vintage jeans or flowers so eyes on the prize people, you’re here for sweet treats. Start off with a stroopwafel: two wafer biscuits surrounding a warm caramel filling. Locals say the best ones in Amsterdam are here, sold at the imaginatively named ‘Original Stroopwafels’. If that doesn't take your fancy, swoop on over to a stall selling poffertjes. A sort of mini pancake which is a traditional Christmas treat, but now served all year round, you’re given a helping of around eight of these perfectly cooked mini crepe style “thingys”. Doused in a decent amount of powdered sugar and , traditionally, a few little cubes of unsalted butter (definitely choose this option), you will have nailed your time in the market after trying these.

Bitterballen are a staple Dutch bar snack and you won’t find better ones than in Amsterdam’s Foodhallen. A fair cycle away from the previous stop, you’ll work up an appetite on your journey...I hope. The Foodhallen itself is located in the Oud-West area of the city and gives you an option to try a number of different world foods alongside some dutch classics. You're in Amsterdam for a reason idiot, don’t be tempted by the tacos no matter how good they look. Trust me here and find one of the many stalls serving bitterballen; a breaded deep fried ball with a filling of ragout and slow cooked beef; they’re served alongside a small helping of mustard for you to dip into. They go down fast so just a short stop, hop back on the bike and struggle off to the next destination.

This one’s cheating a little, you’re going to have to sit here but not for long. Welcome to Het Papeneiland, probably the most cosy bar I’ve ever been to. An all wooden interior that feels as if it’s candlelit at night, it’s right slap bang in the canal-utopia of the Jordaan district, this bar has been serving up some of the best Dutch apple pie for a fair few hundred years. An absolute must do out of all the suggestions is to snack down on some traditional pie. I don’t know why this beats all apple pie you’ll ever eat, it just does. Take that time off your feet to marvel in the crusty, sweet and tart heaven, served with a generous splodge of whipped cream. Oh, you’re also in a bar, it would be rude not to have another beer.

If by some chance you're in need of an off-piste snack after all this, which would only be down to the overconsumption of the aforementioned vegetables, look no further than FEBO. Any Dutchie unfortunate enough to see this as a suggestion is probably calling me an eikel, but hear me out. Found all over the city these fast-food joints are marvels to tourists for the way they function. You put your money into a slot, press a button and the door pops open for you to take your warm kroketten or kaassoufles. It’s that quick you don’t need to talk to anyone. I recommend the satay kroketten. Croquettes, as we know them by, are deep-fried and breaded savoury snacks, characterised by a thick sauce, or roux, with any number of fillings. The satay offering replaces the roux for thick satay sauce, packed full of chicken. These kroketten are by far not the best the city has to offer, but give them and FEBO a try and tell me you're not amused by the little doors.

I can appreciate not all take pleasure in running around a city all day only to rinse and repeat the next. Travel is what you want to make of it and if you have the time, taking a perch in a restaurant is a well earned reward and antidote to “fast tourism”. So, for the leisurely cruisers among us, if you make a point of sitting down for meal time, look no further than Long Pura Indonesia Food. I’m mentioning Indonesian food once again because without putting yourself through an absolute trek of a flight, this is your best bet to try some of the unique flavours of this culturally distinctive food scene. Posted in the Rozengracht area, order a rijstaffel to make sure you get the best out of your night. A uniquely Indonesian taste, but with a distinctly Dutch twist, this banquet style order was originally introduced by colonists to enjoy a wide array of local dishes in one sitting. We’ve got chillies in abundance here so try not to blow your head off.

And that’s it, the end of your day. However, for the hedonists, you can always carry on by means of loading up on a few more beers before you hit the sack, and if this suits your tastes, head on over to Roest or Kriterion. The former is a casual bar set in an old warehouse right on the river estuary, the latter, a retro art-house cinema which is a local haunt for students and hipsters alike. The city may have a clubbing scene planted with enough drugs to sedate each animal in the Lion King for a few years, but on the other hand, these places represent something on the more unique and chill side to the city’s nightlife.

Amsterdam will still carry its reputation for debauchery, but next time you're there, give the above a gander and you won't be left disappointed...or hungry.

Just a thought.